Friendly Ghost
by Diva-esque
Summary: The night that Masaki dies, Isshin encounters a ghost from his past. Featuring Isshin and Kaien, and the ties that bind.


**Friendly Ghost**

_by aishuu_

* * *

The night that Masaki died, Ichigo fell asleep early.

It was Isshin's fault, since he'd forced the drugged tea down his throat. His son had been inconsolable, traumatized by the sight of his mother's dead body, agonized by the belief that it had been his fault. Isshin had done his best to convince Ichigo that these things happened, that it wasn't because of him, that Masaki wouldn't want him to blame himself.

Isshin knew whose fault it was. He should have protected Masaki; Ichigo was too young to have any control over the powers that slept within him. Ichigo shouldn't have to try to do anything with the spiritual world.

He deserved to live a life of a normal child. He was only human.

But his father wasn't. Isshin was a former shinigami captain, unable to defend his chosen mate. He knew the Hollows would think it was perfect, with their cruel senses of humor, if they knew the true circumstances. They may not have hearts, but they definitely had sadism.

He'd slipped a sedative into the grape juice he'd forced his son to drink, rather cruelly telling him that his mother wouldn't want him to starve. The boy had dutifully imbibed it, and ten minutes later his eyes had shut, and Isshin had announced to his daughters that their big brother needed to go to bed early.

Karin and Yuzu hadn't understood why Mommy hadn't come home that night. He wondered how long it would take for them to understand the concept of death, and how it was forever.

At least in the human world.

Sometimes he wondered if it would be easier if he could just forget his past, forget about the Soul Society and the world that lay beyond. Not having the certainty of what happened after led many to hope that they would be reunited in death. He wished he could believe that, but he knew Masaki 's soul wasn't resting anywhere in peace, but instead simply didn't exist.

She had been devoured by a Hollow, and there was no future for her. He would never see her again, not in a hundred lifetimes. He'd always scoffed at the philosophers' ideas of soul mates – until he met Masaki. Then he realized that they were being conservative in their estimations of the importance of love.

What was a man to do when the other half of his soul ceased to exist?

The house was too quiet now. He'd prepared a ramen dinner for the his girls, the only thing he could cook, and then read them a story. It had been hard to make the funny voices _Where the Wild Things Are_ required, and he'd nearly cracked then, but had managed to struggle through a semi-credible rendition before announcing that the twins needed to sleep.

"Daddy, if mommy's not coming home, who's going to take care of us?" Karin asked. She had always been the most introverted of his children, prone to deeper thought.

"We'll take care of each other," Isshin told her, brushing a kiss across her forehead. "We'll talk about it tomorrow," he told them. "We'll hold a family meeting, and figure out how to do it."

"Okay," the girls chorused, sleep dragging them down.

He watched them sleep for nearly an hour, taking comfort in the sound of their breathing before leaving their room. Peeking in on Ichigo, he went to the bed to pull the blanket higher, but paused as he looked down at his son's face. Glistening trails marred his smooth cheeks; the boy was crying in his sleep.

Isshin shut his eyes and took a deep breath. Ichigo had always been something of a crybaby, but now he had reason for tears. He wondered how many times in the near future Ichigo would cry.

"I'm sorry, Ichigo," he murmured, the only time he would ever voice an apology to his child. He brushed a hand over his son's forehead, trying to project reassurance. "Father's going to do his best to make things better."

Not that he had a clue how.

Going to the kitchen, he mechanically began to prepare tea. He used to make Masaki tea every night after the children were in bed; it was their quality time together. They'd sit down and curl up on the couch, watching a movie or discussing the their days. He almost took out two cups before he stopped himself.

He didn't know how he was going to live without her. She was so much a part of his life, a part of who he was.

He sat at the table, a cup of cold tea between his hands as he stared at the leaves, his mind trying to make patterns out of them. He didn't want to think, because his thoughts would inevitably turn to his dead wife, and how he hadn't been able to save her.

"Isshin?" a voice said from the doorway.

He turned to look at his son, his eyes narrowing in horror as he heard the unaccustomed tenor in Ichigo's voice – and Ichigo would never call his father by name. His stomach dropped as he realized that one of those monsters could have possessed his son – before he considered a more likely possibility.

"Hello, Kaien," he said softly.

"I was wondering if you knew," the boy who was not his son said as he came into the room.

It was Ichigo, but it wasn't. The carriage of the body lacked the childish vulnerability that Isshin cherished about his son. There was a maturity in the set of his features that was at odds with the childish body; the eyes of someone who had been there, done that and hadn't let it make him bitter.

"I had suspicions, but I didn't want to admit it," Isshin said. He knew that no soul in the mortal world was new; new souls only came into existence in the Soul Society. After a life of nobility, they were prepared to enter the never-ending cycle of life and death the two worlds was balanced on.

However, the chance that he'd been friends with the soul who'd become his son had been astronomical. Isshin always had a ways of beating the odds, though.

An alarmed thought crossed through Isshin's mind. "Where's Ichigo?" he asked , rising halfway to his feet. He wasn't sure what he intended to do, since Kaien had been his friend and was currently in his son's body, but Ichigo was _his_ to protect.

"He's asleep," Kaien said reassuringly. "I'm an just an echo, sleepwalking. I'm not really Kaien, just the memory of the man he was in the last life."

"Why are you awake?" _Why are you inhabiting my son's body?_

"I'm not sure. I guess it would be the close encounter with the Hollow. Maybe it's part of his defense mechanism, or maybe he needed to rely on the strength he used to have to survive the encounter," Kaien said, pulling a chair out and climbing into it. "In a couple of hours, Ichigo should suppress the memory of me, and I don't think I'll appear again."

"Don't you resent that?" Isshin asked. This was another shock on top of an upsetting day – what did you say the memory of your dead friend? _Hi, good to see you, but since you're possessing my son, I'd prefer you to leave? Especially since my wife just died due to my incompetence?_

"No. I had my time. It's not good to remember past lives." Kaien said, resting his hands on the table. Then a mischievous grin lit his face, his unaccustomed solemnity melting away. "Got any sake?" Kaien asked.

"Not for you," Isshin said firmly. "You're in the body of my eight year old son, and a sip would knock you on your ass."

Kaien scoffed. "The day will never come when I can't handle my liquor better than you, Isshin."

Isshin snorted, his nose curling. "Remember that time in that bar in the 43rd district?" he asked.

"An aberration," Kaien dismissed, waving a hand flippantly. "Completely not my fault. Need I remind you of that hooker in the 74th that got the better of you?" He made a face, handing his tongue out and rolling his eyes. "'Honestly, Ukitake-taichou, I didn't mean to let her have my entire wallet.'" His impression left something to be desired, but it brought memories of his time as a member of the Gotei 13 rushing back.

"Remember the time we shaved Shunsui's beard off?" he asked.

"How about when you gave Yachiru that bag of rock candy?" Kaien suggested.

The two men were laughing so hard that their eyes were watering, and Isshin felt his firm control over his emotions, the rigid discipline he'd needed as a shinigami captain, slide away from him.

He crumpled forward, resting his head on Kaien's legs as he finally let himself mourn in earnest. He didn't need to pretend to be strong in front of his friend. Kaien's hands – his son's hands – wound through his hair, running over them soothingly as he cried for the first time since losing Masaki.

He didn't know how long he cried, wailing like a deserted child as he let himself grieve for what he had lost, what he had let happen, _for failing Masaki and his children, especially Ichigo._

His eyes were red and swollen as he pulled away, and he felt a drained, a strange serenity overcoming him. "I'm sorry," he told Kaien. "I shouldn't have-"

"Isshin- it's okay to mourn. Just don't become obsessed with it. That's where I failed." Kaien's voice was haunted. "I don't regret it, but there might have been a better way for me to handle the situation."

"What's it like, dying?" Isshin had been born in the Soul Society and never experienced death. He wanted to know what Masaki had gone through, what her final moments had been like.

_If it had hurt._

"Scary," Kaien said. "But I was happy, because I died fighting for what mattered to me. I'm sure Masaki was the same. She died for her child – there's no greater love than that."

"It should have been me, Kaien," Isshin said. "You don't understand, you didn't fail her-"

Kaien slammed his fist down on the table, stopping Isshin from wallowing. "I lost a wife, too," Kaien said, his face growing fierce with lines that didn't suit his childish countenance. "Don't act like I don't understand. _I failed Miyako, too._"

"You didn't have to live with it!" Isshin was shouting now, looming over his son's small body. "I'm not following her into death, I can't!" He thought of their children, and how disappointed Masaki would be if he gave up. "I'm not making my kids orphans."

"Do you think I intended to die?" Kaien asked, raising his own voice in anger as he came to his feet as well. His fists clenched at his sides. "I had so much left I needed to do. I was going to be a captain, going to shape the shinigami in my own image. I liked life, Isshin! Only an idiot is glad to die."

The two froze in a strange tableau, each filled with rage at their own helplessness. For a long moment they stared at each other, their own stubbornness keeping them from backing down.

Isshin broke first. "Kaien, I didn't mean-" he started to say, not wanting to be angry at his friend.

"It's okay," Kaien said reassuringly. "Everyone's grief is unique, I forget that."

"Yes," Isshin agreed. "It is."

They sank back into their chairs, Isshin running a hand over his face. He was tired, he wanted to sleep, but the thought of climbing into the bed he'd shared with Masaki was terrifying. He would be alone.

"You need to decide what you're going to do about Ichigo," Kaien said, starting the conversation again after the uncomfortable lull.

His son, who Isshin knew would be impossible to convince that Masaki 's death was not his fault. His son, who he had to protect. "I'm going to keep any of the bastards from getting near him again," Isshin growled. If he had to, he would pick up his sword again.

Kaien shook his head. "I don't think you can. His power makes such encounters inevitable," Kaien said. "His soul power calls to those that seek to feed off of it. Make him strong, Isshin. Teach him how to protect himself. Don't ever hold back or try to protect him, because you can't."

Memories of drills, of learning how to fight, race through his head. He wanted to argue the necessity, but Kaien was correct. Another Hollow would find Ichigo, and not even a shinigami captain could be everywhere at once. "He's going to hate me," Isshin said.

"He might not always like you for it, but he'll love you. And if you love him, you'll do what's necessary," Kaien replied. "Teach him to protect his sisters and what's important to him. That's the most important thing you can do."

It would be the hardest thing to do. Every parent wanted to keep their child safe, and letting them fend on their own went against Isshin's insticts – but Kaien was right. There would come a time when Isshin couldn't be there, and Ichigo would have to stand alone.

"I promise," Isshin said. "On the spirit of my zanpakutō, I promise to make Ichigo able to fight his own battles."

"No one can ask for more," Kaien said, before rising to his feet. "I should go back to bed. Ichigo's going to need the rest to face tomorrow."

Without thinking, Isshin held out his hand, which Kaien took, clasping their wrists together. "I still miss you," Isshin said.

"You shouldn't. You should see everything I was in your son," Kaien replied, his lips painted with a faint smile. "But I appreciate the sentiment."

Letting go, he stepped away, and Isshin felt a renewed spurt of grief for the friend he'd lost twenty years before. Kaien paused in the doorway. "I still trust you with my life." Then he was gone, his footsteps nearly silent as he retreated to Ichigo's room.

Isshin stood as well, emptying out his cup before placing it in the sink. He needed to go to bed and get some rest if he was going to be able to wake his son up first thing in the morning. He rather thought a diving tackle might make a novel start to Ichigo's day.


End file.
